Varney the Vampyre, or, The Feast of Blood

by James Malcolm Rymer (or possibly Thomas Preskett Prest)
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What do you do if you have read all the popular vampire books and still want more? You might want to check these lists from Reading Rants or The Monster Librarian. However, if you consider yourself a fairly good reader, you don’t mind old-fashioned writing (like from the 1800s), and you want to learn more about the history of vampire literature, you might want to give an old-school vampire story a try.

Varney the Vampyre was written in the 1840s, about 50 years before Dracula. It tells the story of Sir Francis Varney, a vampire who isn’t all bad. Yeah, every so often he will sneak into a young woman’s room and drink some of her blood, but he doesn’t enjoy it. Okay, well, maybe he does, but not a lot. In fact, he often feels sorry for his victims, and he tries to help them out somehow. On the other hand, Varney is kind of unpredictable, and does kill a few people because they have stuff he wants.

Varney the Vampyre is such a long and strange book that it’s kind of hard to summarize. It starts out like a classic vampire tale, where the vampire breaks into a woman’s room in the middle of the night and sucks her blood. This poor woman is Flora Bannerworth, a member of the English aristocracy. The Bannerworth family owns a lovely mansion and has a few servants, but they are about out of money and are occasionally worried about having to sell Bannerworth Hall and move somewhere cheaper. We’ve got a fancy, old building, a helpless woman, and a blood-sucking fiend. Sounds like Dracula, but it’s not. Not even close.

The writing in the first chapter is just awful, and I was really not looking forward to reading all 800 pages. It got a little bit better in the second chapter, but I was still a little worried about finishing it. Fortunately, things improved a lot in Chapter 4, where the novel first shows a sense of humor. Flora’s brother Henry has figured out that they are being haunted by a vampire, but he wants to keep the whole thing a secret. On his way in to town, every single person he meets says something like, “Hello there, Mr. Bannerworth. How’s the vampyre?” Everybody.

Then, a few chapters later, the vampire is after Flora again. This time, though, she whips out a pistol and shoots him! We never find out how Flora learned to shoot, but she is pretty good with a gun. Unfortunately, Flora is never quite this cool again, and most of the other women in the story are either helpless victims, second-class citizens, or dishonest schemers, but that’s not uncommon for this time period.

Then we meet Admiral Bell and his servant/friend/shipmate/nemesis Jack Pringle. They both spew stereotypical sailor nonsense (like “shiver my timbers” or “you may give the devil a clear berth, and get into heaven’s straits, with a flowing sheet, provided you don’t, towards the end of the voyage, make any lubberly blunders”) and swear about as much as anyone can in this kind of story. Jack and the Admiral are always fighting with each other and always making up, and somehow they manage to be genuinely funny.

At some point, the Bannerworths realize that Varney isn’t really interested in sucking blood. He wants their house, for some reason. Quite a few things happen after that, and, while I don’t want to spoil anything, Varney ends up spending a few days as Flora’s house guest. Yeah, this is different.

About the first 50 chapters (out of 237) deal with Varney and the Bannerworth family. Basically, that’s a whole regular vampire novel. Then Varney vanishes, and the action moves about 25 miles away. We get another 25 chapters of a story that sort of involves vampires, and sort of involves the Bannerworth family, but we don’t see Varney much until near the end. Then the action moves to London, and again, we don’t see Varney or any of the other “regular” characters until the very end. After that, we get a bunch of short stories about Varney that almost always end with something bad happening to him.

Varney the Vampyre has its flaws. For a start, the writing is really uneven. It bounces from good to bad to so-bad-it’s-good. There are also a lot of subplots that never get resolved and a lot of details that get forgotten. What ever happened with that Quaker who was living on the Dearbrook estate? Why was Marmaduke Bannerworth’s coffin empty? For that matter, wasn’t Marmaduke originally named Runnagate in Chapter 2? Why did George Bannerworth just disappear from the novel? Well, the author was writing it pretty quickly, and apparently he was also busy writing nine other stories at the same time! Fortunately, this got better as I read more of the book. I don’t think the writing got better. I think I just got used to it.

Another problem is that the author was paid by the word, so he often tries to use a whole paragraph when a single sentence would do. Even worse, though, is that sometimes the characters will sit down and tell each other little stories that have nothing at all to do with the novel. Actually, that’s not the worst part. The worst part is when Varney himself decides to read a story because he has an hour to wait and nothing to do, and we have to read exactly what Varney reads.

I mentioned before that the story has a sense of humor. However, since it was written in the middle of the 19th century, there are some things that the author thought were funny that are actually kind of racist, or are otherwise not okay anymore. Fortunately, there aren’t very many of these.

However, the story has its good points, too. Some of the writing is really good: Varney has some really excellent lines when he’s messing with people, for example, and every so often there is a really nice description of a place or an event. There is some good humor, too. Varney can be snarky when he wants to, and the author does a good job of showing the little ways in which ordinary people suck. Admiral Bell and Jack Pringle are just hilarious, too. Also, at one point, one of the characters sits down and reads a really awful vampire novel.

The author does a really fantastic job with some of the characters. It took me about five lines to get a good picture of Mr. Marchdale, for example, and the more I read, the more right that image seemed. I was also really impressed by Admiral Bell and Jack Pringle. While they are the zany comic relief, they are also real people, and we eventually get to see their serious sides. I think they are my favorite characters.

How can I sum up this book? It’s not great writing. It’s not even great that great a vampire story. When pretentious professors of literature say that popular books are bad because those authors write for money rather than for Art, this is what they are thinking about. Still, I actually enjoyed most of the book, and it’s an interesting piece of vampire literary history. I can’t recommend it to everyone, but if you really want to learn more about early vampire fiction and aren’t scared off by the thought of 237 chapters, give it a try.

So how does Varney compare with the Hollywood vampire stereotype?

• Drinking Blood [checkmark] Although Varney doesn’t always bite the neck. Sometimes he goes for the arm.
• Has Fangs [checkmark] Actually, Varney may be the first vampire in literature to have fangs.
• Vampires Spread by Biting [checkmark] Apparently you can also become a vampire if you are a really bad person.
• Amazingly Strong [checkmark] Varney may be the first vampire in literature to have amazing strength.
• Unkillable [xmark] Varney actually gets killed a lot. I think he is shot to death five or six times, at least. He also gets stabbed by a sword once and drowned twice. However, moonlight brings him back.
• Weak Against Wooden Stakes [xmark] Well, they will work, but they aren’t any better than a sword or a gun. However, at several points, drunken mobs try to stake people they think are vampires, and one vampire is actually killed by a stake through the heart.
• Weak Against Sunlight [xmark] Varney doesn’t really enjoy sleep, since he has nightmares, so he is often out at night, but he’s also up during the day. It’s easier to scam people during the day, usually.
• Must be Invited In [xmark] Varney is polite, but he doesn’t actually need your permission to enter your house.
• Weak Against Flowing Water [xmark]
• Weak Against Holy Symbols [xmark] Actually, Varney hangs out with a priest for a while, and he breaks into a church.
• Weak Against Garlic [xmark]
• Get Confused at Crossroads [xmark] However, one drunken mob does try to bury a vampire they’ve staked at a crossroads. Varney helps out, and he seems just fine.
• No Reflection in Mirrors [xmark] Varney specifically mentions seeing himself in a mirror. Of course, he might be lying.
• No Heartbeat/Breath/Blood/Temperature/Other Signs of Life [xmark] Varney has all the signs of life, except that he won’t stay dead and he doesn’t need to eat or drink (except blood).
• Pale, Corpse-like Appearance [checkmark] This might be because Varney was dead for two years before he came back as a vampire. Or he might be lying.
• Doesn’t Age [checkmark] We don’t know how old Varney is, but the story covers at least 30 or 40 years, and he never seems to get older.
• Changes Shape [xmark] The best Varney can do is put on a disguise. He does that a lot.
• Flight [xmark] Varney can jump pretty high, but that’s probably because he has supernatural strength.
• Wall Crawling [xmark]
• Hypnotic Powers [checkmark] As long as Varney can stare at his victim, she can’t move or scream. Of course, he has trouble doing this and actually biting her at the same time. Varney may be the first vampire in literature to have this power.
• Sleeps in a Coffin [xmark] Varney likes his beds to be aired out and clean.
• Wealthy [xmark] [checkmark] Sometimes Varney has lots of money, and sometimes he doesn’t. Usually he does, though.

How about some of the more modern trends?

• Sophisticated and Elegant [checkmark] Varney has a sense of style and he likes the finer things in life. He can really put on the charm when he needs, too.
• Angsty [checkmark] You don’t see it at first, but Varney really isn’t happy as a vampire. He’d rather be dead for real. He doesn’t spend a whole lot of time whining about it, though.
• Dark and Brooding [xmark]
• Really Just Misunderstood [xmark] [checkmark] Varney is somewhat misunderstood, he really does need somebody to talk to, and he occasionally goes out of his way to do good things for people, but he’s not a good person. Still, Varney may be the first somewhat-sympathetic vampire in literature.
• A Sucker for Love [xmark] Varney’s not going to fall in love with the first person who tries to stake him. He never falls in love with anyone in the story, although he does respect Flora and a few other people. He also wants to get married, although we’re not sure why. It’s clearly not for love, though.
• Looks Young and Sexy [xmark] Varney is late middle-aged, pale, and ugly.
• Fluid Sexuality [xmark] Varney is never sexually attracted to anyone in the story.

You can read some commentary on this blog. At five chapters a month, the blog should get through all 237 chapters in just under four years.

You can also check out a new graphic adaptation. Unfortunately, at their current pace of one chapter in two months, they will be done some time in 2050.

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Where to Find It

You can read the whole thing online thanks to the University of Virginia’s Electronic Text Center. There are a few typos in this edition, but then, there were some pretty serious typos in the original printing.

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