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This post written by Clint Carmilla
by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu
What do you do if you have read all the popular vampire books and still want more? You might want to check these lists from Reading Rants or The Monster Librarian. However, if you consider yourself a fairly good reader, you don’t mind old-fashioned writing (like from the 1800s), and you want to learn more about the history of vampire literature, you might want to give an old-school vampire story a try.
Carmilla was written in 1872, making it 25 years older than Dracula. I can think of three reasons to recommend it. First, unlike Varney the Vampyre, it seems to be reasonably well written. In some parts, the writing is even beautiful. Second, it features a vampire who isn’t super obvious about being a vampire. The vampire actually tries to blend in, and she does a reasonably good job of it. Third, it’s historically significant because it is the first story about a lesbian vampire. It’s not at all graphic – there’s a little bit of kissing and hugging and talk of loving someone forever, but that’s all. It seems very PG these days, but I’m sure it was sensational when it was written.
Laura lives with her father and a few servants in a castle out in the middle of nowhere in Styria, a region of Austria. Her closest neighbors live at least 15 miles away, so she doesn’t get to spend much time with anybody her own age. Then one day a carriage has an accident on the road near her castle, and one of the people in it, a girl of about Laura’s age, is injured. This is Carmilla, and her mother is in some kind of trouble. Mom needs to travel fast, but she doesn’t think Carmilla is well enough to sit in a speeding carriage all day. Laura’s father offers to take care of Carmilla until the mother returns, and Laura is thrilled. Laura and Carmilla appear to form a bond almost instantly, and Carmilla appears to be quite fond of Laura.
Some time later, Laura and Carmilla hear about a disease that is killing the peasants in the area. The victims are fine one day, but at night they often feel as though something is trying to strangle or smother them. The next day they grow weaker, and then they die. Carmilla is frightened by this, so she and Laura buy charms to ward off the disease. It’s just in time, too, since they both have a similar experience one night. Laura left her charm somewhere, but Carmilla kept hers under her pillow, so while Carmilla isn’t too bothered by her experience, Laura is is more upset. After that, they both have trouble sleeping and seem to feel unwell, although Laura seems to be suffering far more.
Nobody really seems to know what is going on until the end of the story, when several people arrive, unmask the vampire, and kill her. The problem with the ending, other than one character just coming out of nowhere to solve the problem, is that only part of the problem is solve – I’m pretty sure the vampire they killed was only one out of a group, and most of the peasants who died should also have become vampires. We can assume the peasant vampires were taken care of, but we never do find out what happened to the others.
So how does Carmilla compare with the Hollywood vampire stereotype?
- Drinking Blood [checkmark] Yeah, although apparently this vampire also sleeps in blood.
- Has Fangs [checkmark] They’re hard to notice, but yes, there are fangs and puncture marks on the neck.
- Vampires Spread by Biting [checkmark] Yes. Vampires can also be created through suicide sometimes.
- Amazingly Strong [checkmark] It’s more than just physical strength – the touch of a vampire can make you weak.
- Unkillable [checkmark] Pretty much. Apparently you need to stake, decapitate, and burn the vampire, and then maybe scatter its ashes.
- Weak Against Wooden Stakes [checkmark] That’s just one step of the process.
- Weak Against Sunlight [xmark] Not even a little bit.
- Must be Invited In [xmark]
- Weak Against Flowing Water [xmark]
- Weak Against Holy Symbols [checkmark] The story never mentions crosses, but vampires do not like certain religious things, and priests seem to be some kind of protection against them.
- Weak Against Garlic [xmark]
- Get Confused at Crossroads [xmark]
- No Reflection in Mirrors [xmark]
- No Heartbeat/Breath/Blood/Temperature/Other Signs of Life [xmark] In fact, before they kill the vampire, our heroes have a doctor make sure she is still breathing and has a pulse. She also bleeds a lot.
- Pale, Corpse-like Appearance [xmark]
- Doesn’t Age [checkmark] The vampire that dies is about 150 years old and still looks fairly young.
- Changes Shape [checkmark] This one turns into some kind of cat when it feeds.
- Flight [xmark]
- Wall Crawling [xmark]
- Hypnotic Powers [xmark] Charisma yes, hypnotism no.
- Sleeps in a Coffin [checkmark] In a coffin full of blood under rock and dirt. Nobody knows how she gets in or out without disturbing the dirt, but our heroes do wonder.
- Wealthy [xmark] [checkmark] At least one of the vampires was, but we really don’t know much about the others.
How about some of the more modern trends?
- Sophisticated and Elegant [checkmark] These vampires seem to be able to move in high society.
- Angsty [xmark]
- Dark and Brooding [xmark]
- Really Just Misunderstood [xmark]
- A Sucker for Love [xmark] At the end of the story, we find out that vampires sometimes become obsessed with somebody and they act like they are in love, but that’s all just part of the feeding process.
- Looks Young and Sexy [checkmark] [xmark] At least one is, and there might be one who isn’t. We never find out if that person is a vampire or not, though.
- Fluid Sexuality [checkmark] We’ve got a female vampire who only feeds on women and seems to be very interested in a few of them. At the end of the novel, we find out that it’s not really romantic interest. It’s just lunch.
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Where to Find It
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[linkplus name=”Carmilla” url=”http://csul.iii.com/search~S0/?searchtype=t&searcharg=carmilla|&sortdropdown=m&SORT=D&extended=0&searchlimits=&searchorigarg=tcarmilla” series=false cchasone=false]
Make sure you don’t request Carmilla: A Vampire Tale unless you want to get the libretto for a chamber opera.
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This post written by Clint Carpe Demon: Adventures of a Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom
by Julie Kenner
[cover name=carpedemon]
Kate Connors never went to high school or college, but she had a job she loved and was good at. Then she married a co-worker and settled down to raise a family, and she never even thought about going back to work. She used to be a demon hunter, and that’s not really something you can do while also raising kids.
Kate has been a full-time mother and a full-time wife for the past fifteen years. Her husband doesn’t know about her past, and she’d like to keep it that way. She really wants her husband to see her as a wife and not an unstoppable killing machine. Her daughter doesn’t know about her past, although Kate might tell her one of these days. Her son doesn’t know and wouldn’t care if she told him, since he’s only two years old. Kate doesn’t really like keeping secrets, but since she’s not longer fighting demons, nobody really needs to know.
Her husband is running for a political office and has to win important people over, and one day he calls her to ask if she can put together a dinner party for that evening. Then an old demon jumps through her window and tries to kill her. Now she has to clean up the glass, hide the demon corpse, and make the dinner party happen.
This is where Kate’s life gets fun. Some big, bad demons are moving in on her town, and due to budget cuts and recruiting trouble, she’s the only demon hunter around. She does eventually get the help of an alimentatore, an advisor who is the brain while Kate is the brawn. Unfortunately, her alimentatore has a day job, so he makes Kate dig through records. She also gets the help of another retired hunter. Unfortunately, he’s currently in a nursing home. She also finds a sidekick. Unfortunately, when danger threatens, her sidekick plans to scream and run. Then, of course, she’s got to deal with her husband, teenage daughter, and two-year-old son. With help like this, how can she lose? Oh, and she’s a little out of shape, too. Not a lot, but enough to make fighting demons dangerous.
You can read some of it online at Google Books.
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This post written by Clint Dead is the New Black
by Marlene Perez
[cover name=deadisthenewblack]
The women in Daisy Giordano’s family have special powers. Her mom can see bits of the future. One sister can read minds, and the other is telekinetic. Somehow, though, Daisy missed out. She’s normal, or as near as you can get when your family runs a psychic detective agency. A lot of strange things happen in her hometown of Nightshade, California, but Daisy’s life really gets interesting when the most popular girl in her high school comes back from vacation looking kind of dead. Undead, actually, and she’s popular enough to make pale skin and custom-made coffins stylish.
Then one of Daisy’s fellow high school students is murdered. Death doesn’t seem to stop this student, though, and she shows up to a pep rally. It’s up to Daisy and the police chief’s son Ryan (the guy she’s got a crush on) to figure out what’s going on.
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This post written by Clint The Lies of Locke Lamora
by Scott Lynch
[cover name=theliesoflockelamora]
Locke Lamora is the best thief in the city of Camorr, a city that is kind of like a fantasy version of Venice. As a young child, his parents are killed in a plague. When the city guards come to round up survivors, Locke steals one off their purses. From there, he was sold to a man called the Thiefmaker, who trains orphans to be thieves. Locke’s work is just too much for the Thiefmaker to handle, but rather than kill Locke, the Thiefmaker sells him to a priest named Chains.
Rather than trying to turn Locke into a decent citizen, Chains teaches Locke to be an even better thief. Eventually, Chains assembles a team of outstanding pickpockets, burglars, and con artists. Locke and his friends Jean, Bug, Caldo, and Galdo, are masters of disguise and deception. They can convincingly impersonate nearly anyone, from a priest of the god of death to a nobleman.
Thieves in Camorr must follow a few simple rules set by Capa Barsavi, the crime boss of the city. Among other things, they must give him their allegiance, pay him a portion of their earnings, not draw too much attention (Locke is really bad at this part), and leave the nobility alone (Lock is really, really bad at this one). In return, the city guard pretty much leaves the thieves alone. This is called the Secret Peace,and it works pretty well for the nobility and the thieves, but not for anybody else.
Locke and his friends ignore the secret peace. After all, stealing from the nobility has three huge advantages over stealing from anyone else.
- They’ve got the money.
- They’d never expect it.
- Many of them deserve it.
However, Locke and his pals aren’t the only people breaking the Secret Peace. Thieves are being murdered, but nobody has the faintest idea who is doing it. This throws the criminal underground into chaos just as Locke, Jean, Caldo, Galdo, and Bug are in the middle of the con of a lifetime.
The scams Locke and his friends use in this book are just amazing. They are works of art. This is like Ocean’s Eleven, except much more clever. However, the story is also a lot grittier and more violent. There’s a lot of swearing, and a fair amount of bloodshed. Locke isn’t much of a fighter, but Jean is a big guy who fights with a pair of axes, and he gets to use them on more than one occasion.
The setting for The Lies of Locke Lamora is really elaborate and creative. Scott Lynch has put a lot of detail into the city and the many different cultures of the world. This is a fantasy novel, and while there aren’t a lot of people who can cast spells, there are still plenty of fantastic elements. Another race of creatures ruled the world before recorded human history, and they left amazing artifacts behind. Much of the city is made out of a special material known as Elderglass, which is indestructible and glows just after the sun sets. The towers on the cover shown above are the five main Elderglass towers of Camorr, where the rich and powerful live. Of course, since nobody alive can really work with Elderglass, and since whatever ancient devices once moved people from one floor to another have long since broken down, the nobles of Camorr get around these giant towers in crude wooden elevators slapped onto the sides of the towers.
Alchemy, a fantasy version of science (plus a little magic) is also an important part of the world. Alchemists make poisons and potions, but they also make lights, cooking stones that heat up when you pour water on them, and many more nifty things. Alchemists also help develop new kinds of plants – alchemically enhanced fruit and wine are popular treats among the extremely wealthy.
I haven’t really mentioned the characters yet, but they are really well done. Pretty much everybody is interesting and has a twist and a surprise or two hiding inside. Locke, of course, always has a trick up his sleeve. Jean is a big, chunky, axe-wielding accountant with a soft spot for romance novels. Capa Barsavi was a famous scholar before he took control of Camorr’s underworld. There are too many twists and surprises for me to spoil, but I’ll leave the rest for you.
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Where to Find It
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This post written by Clint Essex County Volume 1: Tales from the Farm
by Jeff Lemire
[cover name=essexcounty]
Lester is a 10-year-old boy whose mother has just died of cancer. His father is out of the picture, so he goes to live with his uncle Ken, who lives on a farm. Lester loves comic books – he is writing his own, and he sort of lives in his own little comic book world. He wears a mask and cape all the time, and pretends to be a superhero defending humanity. Ken isn’t really sure what to do about this, but he’s pretty sure that letting Lester hang out with Jimmy, who runs the local gas station, is a bad idea. Jimmy is also a comic book fan, and he plays along with Lester’s ideas. Together, they continue Lester’s comic book and build a fort to defend against aliens. Despite Ken’s concerns, Jimmy is able to make a connection with Lester and eventually help him return to the real world.
There are two other volumes in this series, but they aren’t about Lester, Jimmy, and Ken.
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This post written by Clint Nighthogs: a Pearls Before Swine Collection
by Stephan Pastis
[cover name=nighthogs]
Pearls Before Swine is one of my favorite comic strips. Pearls Before Swine is about the adventures of anthropomorphic (human-like) animals; the primary characters are Rat, Pig, Zebra, and Goat. Rat is dishonest and cynical. Pig is… special. But he’s happy, too. Zebra is always trying to help out his relatives who live in the wild, but they always get eaten by lions. Goat is the smart one, so naturally he doesn’t like interacting with the others.
There are a bunch of minor characters, too. Guard Duck is a paranoid duck whose first plan for any situation involves a rocket launcher. Unfortunately, he seems to own a lot of rockets. Snuffles is a cat who divides his time between looking cute and committing all kinds of serious crimes. A whole bunch of crocodiles live next door to Zebra. They would really love to catch and eat him, but they are far too stupid to be a threat (to him, at least). Stephan Pastis, the writer, shows up in the comic strip from time to time. Many of the other characters hate him.
There are a couple of features that may attract or repel you. First, there are a lot of death jokes. If crocodiles show up in a comic strip, odds are that at least one of them will get killed. Some strips start off like “So X died yesterday.” We’ve never met X, but he/she had to die to set up the joke that’s coming. Also, there’s cannibalism. Half the time, when Pig goes to a restaurant, he orders a ham sandwich or a BLT or something else with pork in it. Yeah, Pig’s special.
Second, Stephan Pastis loves puns, and he goes out of his way to work them in. Sometimes a Sunday comic, one of the really long ones, is nothing but preparation for a single pun. I don’t think the puns themselves are always very funny, even for puns, but I really have to laugh at the massive amount of effort he put into setting it up
If you want to see what the comic strip is like, it runs in several Contra Costa newspapers, or you can read it online.
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This post written by Clint His Majesty’s Dragon
by Naomi Novik
[cover name=hismajestysdragon]
Did you enjoy the movie Master and Commander? This book is a lot like that, but with dragons.
His Majesty’s Dragon is set in the early part of the 19th century, during the Napoleonic Wars.* Will Laurence is a captain in the British Royal Navy who captures a dragon’s egg from a French ship. When the egg hatched, the baby dragon attached itself to Laurence. He names the dragon Temeraire, after the famous ship. As far as Laurence is concerned, Temeraire has just ruined his life.
Why? Wouldn’t it be awesome to have your own dragon? Well, not exactly. The dragon becomes property of the British Empire, and since it seems to really like Laurence, he is forced to give up command of his ship and serve in the Aerial Corps. That means living out in the middle of nowhere, where the dragons have the space they need and won’t cause trouble. That probably means never getting married, since the Aerial Corps is no place for a gentleman. As far as Laurence’s wealthy family and friends are concerned, commanding a ship is fine. Commanding a dragon is so undignified.
Temeraire, as it turns out, is an unusual dragon. He isn’t one of the kinds of dragons you find in Europe. Instead, he seems to be some special breed from China. He is smarter than many other dragons – he enjoys being read to, and he questions the way dragons are treated in the military.
Laurence stands out just like Temeraire does in the Aerial Corps. As a former Royal Navy captain, he is very fond of rules and regulations and politeness. Nobody else in the Corps really cares about that stuff. They are misfits, isolated from regular society. Of course, one of the most shocking things Laurence finds is that the Corps allows women to be soldiers.
Laurence also stands out because, despite his obsession with making lower-ranking soldiers salute and call him “sir,” he takes way better care of his dragon than anyone else. Most people in the Corps like their dragons, but they treat them more like pets and horses than people. Laurence is very different – he treats Temeraire like a person, and he thinks all dragons should be treated that way.
A lot of the story is about Laurence loosening up, learning to fit in as much as honor will allow, and dealing with his family, who are not happy about his new position. We also get to see a lot about the daily life of dragons, and we get to watch Temeraire grow up. As you might guess from a book about dragons in the military, there is also some good dragon-to-dragon and dragon-to-ship combat.
If you like Master and Commander and you also enjoy fantasy, this should be the perfect book for you. Unlike Master and Commander, there aren’t many nautical terms in the book, so you don’t need to worry about what a bosun’s chair is or anything like that.
If you want to read the first chapter or so online, it’s on the author’s official website.
* This is also when the Master and Commander series takes place. It’s also when the Horatio Hornblower and the Bolitho series take place. Why? Because Will Laurence and Jack Aubrey and Horatio Hornblower and Richard Bolitho and probably a dozen more fictional captains are all based on the same person, Thomas Cochrane. If you enjoy these kinds of books, you should really read about Cochrane.
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This post written by Clint Over and Under
by Todd Tucker
[cover name=overandunder]
Tom and Andy are best friends, and they have been for as long as they can remember. In their spare time during their last summer before high school, they explore the wilderness and the system of caves near their town. Meanwhile, there is a labor strike at the Borden Casket Company, where both their fathers work. Tom’s dad is a laborer, while Andy’s dad is a manager. That shouldn’t be a problem, should it? Oh, wait. Yeah, it will be. As the strike gets worse, Tom and Andy learn that there is more to life than running around the wilderness, climbing through caves, and shooting their rifles.
You can read some of the book online at Google Books, if you want.
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This post written by Clint Mudbound
by Hillary Jordan
[cover name=mudbound]
Welcome to the Mississippi Delta in the Jim Crow South. Henry McAllan has always wanted to own a farm, but his wife Laura grew up in the city and has trouble living without electricity and running water. Hap and Florence Jackson, two black sharecroppers, live and work on the McAllan’s farm. The story is set just after the end of World War II, and soon Henry’s brother Jamie and Hap and Florence’s son Ronsel return from their service in Europe.
Jamie was a pilot and war hero, but after the war, he started drinking hard. His friend Ronsel served with General Patton and got used to being treated like a human being in Europe. Both have trouble adjusting to the more restrictive, racist Southern society. Ronsel, of course, runs into trouble when he refuses to be a second-class citizen, while Jamie angers the locals by supporting his black friend.
This is not a happy story. Racism is one of the central themes, and the Jacksons don’t have easy lives. The local doctor “only treated colored people on certain days of the week and it wasn’t always the same.” When Florence has to stay with the McAllan family, she is told that she has to “sleep out in the barn with the rest of the animals.” Mudbound is well-written, though, as long as you don’t mind the sense of doom.
You can read some of it online at Scribd.
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This post written by Clint Black and White
by Paul Volponi
[cover name=blackandwhite]
Marcus and Eddie, also know as Black and White, are two local high school basketball aces who will probably make it to the NBA. However, their families are both kind of poor, and the NBA seems like a long way off. They can’t get part-time jobs, since they need that time to practice, so they decided to commit armed robberies instead. Things go terribly wrong during one robbery, and Eddie accidentally shoots somebody.
The story focuses on how Marcus and Eddie deal with the situation, what happens to their friendship and their families, and how they are treated by the legal system. Despite having been friends for many years and spending a lot of time together, Marcus’s and Eddie’s lives go in two very different directions after the shooting. Black and White takes a serious look at racism in modern American society, and it manages to combine a good story with lots of issues to think about. You might want to have your friends read this, too, so you can have somebody to talk about it with.
You can read some of it online at the author’s website.
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